[aggressively thinks about having sex with you while keeping a straight face]

thefaceshekeepsinajarbythedoor:

things i need to do:

  • clean my room
  • get a college degree
  • learn how to have healthy relationships


things i want to do:
  • play with puppies and kittens
  • find someone cute to cuddle and make out with
  • drive to the ocean


things i actually am doing:
  • taking subpar selfies
  • running a semi successful blog
  • listening to sad songs and watching too much netflix

beauxbatonsacademy:

"so how long have you been on tumblr"

*has war flashbacks to the introduction of WHAT IS AIR*

arrogantbullyingtoerag:

Minerva McGonagall never had children, but she helped first years find their way.

Minerva McGonagall never had children, but she pursed her lips in just the right way when second years tripped over each other in the halls—and escorted them to the Infirmary besides.

louis-boobear-tommo:

punkzourry:

i feel like dating harry would involve a lot of “harry, no” and “don’t eat that you found that on the floor”

#Louis Tomlinson’s daily quotes

Me when I was 12: Wow, I think my crush is really cute I hope they like me back.
Me now: Yes my crush is cute, but do they share the same political views as me?

viridian-genesis:

idloveyoutocome:

walk up in the club like “Harriet Jones, former Prime Minister”

 

gallifrey-feels:

that one kink that no one can ever know about ever

highcup:

u know those friends that youre 110% happy being friends with but also if they ever asked you would definitely date them

hartcondition:

yzma:

zeus….. IS the father
*hera throws chair and has to be restrained by security titans*

That’s it. That’s Greek mythology.

rareity:

WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS BLOG CONTAINS ”ADULT LANGUAGE”!!!! PLEASE UNFOLLOW IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE WORDS SUCH AS, ‘BRIEFCASE’, ‘MORTGAGE’, ‘ECONOMY’ OR ‘OFFICE’

dustyray321:

lookatwhattheyredoingtome:

Dad jokes brought to you by Rick Grimes

This is one of my favorite posts because it never fails to make me laugh

thats-slightly-raven:

People who have a superiority complex based on their enjoyment of vintage music or books are some of the most annoying people in the world and if I ever hear you ridiculing someone just because they may not enjoy listening to the beatles whilst reading to kill a mockingbird and sipping a cup of hibiscus green tea i will literally come to your house and staple your nipples to your elbows 

emptyparkinglot2am:

I would sit in a parking lot with you at 2am

Is it normal for a grown man to be attracted to luigi? Asking for a friend.